End of another chapter

Here I am again, at crossroads. Never expected this actually..I thought I had my life figured out. I was with the girl I finally could understand and settle down with and all of that changed within a year. Should have seen the signs, but I was blind to them. Well things change..you change and I so do I..everything does. That's the beauty of this world too. Without change there is nothing to be happy about or be sad about. All I need to do now is stop feeling sorry for myself and live life.

Life is funny in that way. I ended up working in the one state that I never wanted to work, Kerala and of all places in Kerala, Trivandrum. Well that's life again. I do try a lot to like this place,but people here in general get under my skin. I know I m extremely biased but I just can't help it. Must be cos of certain people I know from this god forsaken part of this God's own country. Very grateful though for the few people I like from here. Cos of them I haven't lost my sanity.

Oh there is a new improvement from the last time I wrote a blog, I am officially a designer now..so that's an upside of this whole Tvm situation.

Back to the original reason I started writing this, why is religion so god damned inflexible. Or to be more precise why are the people who practice it so inflexible. Why cannot I be accepted as a human being, or is that asking for too much? Just cos I chose not to believe there is a bearded guy hiding in the clouds controlling my life, but believe that I alone am responsible for what happens in my life doesn't make me any less human. In fact I should be appreciated for the way I see life, instead of religious zealots who blame all "ill-fate" as God's revenge/anger/disciplining act, I just see it as part of life and being part of this huge organism called the world. Are they so immature that they can't take responsibility of their own lives? When you are a kid,its understandable that you listen to your parents to be in their good side, but expecting the same when you grow up and make up a father figure (or mother figure,depending on what religion you believe in) is ridiculous.

I am not proclaiming religion is all bad. Some people needing that extra bit of guidance to set their moral compass straight is understandable, everybody is unique, but trying to enforce that upon others who can do just fine without it is totally unacceptable.

My eyes have been opened, I am now an aggressive atheist. No more giving shit about another person's religion or belief. If you bug me, I drive my fist down your throat. End of story. You have no right to judge me.

I hope I have happier reasons in future to write about on here. It doesn't get any easier, this life.

With her...

I was standing there outside the house, with her. It looked kinda like my neighbours house. She was looking real splendid in a black evening gown with a cut along one side. We walked in and there was a huge party going on and there was at least 100 to 150 ppl in that small area.

We slip towards the bar and have a couple of drinks and joined the huge mass of ppl. We lost sight of each other in the crowd a couple of times but finally found each other soon. I was getting exhausted and went out for a breather to the balcony. That's where I saw a bizarre thing going on. There were guys on bicycle and they stood with them on the railings and jumped off. When my curiosity overcame my shock I went over to check what was happening. I looked over the railing expecting to see a few mangled bicycles and bodies. What I saw was even bizarre. When these guys jump off they actually pedal quite fast and they actually managed to grip the wall and are able ride the wall. Oh and this is also when I realise that even though i had climbed only one flight of stairs and never went near the elevator, I was abt 18 to 20 floors above the ground.

Feeling much better I went inside to find her and tell her tht I want her in my life and you know,all that stuff. Thats when she stumbles on to me and she looked pretty tired. There were tiny beads of sweat on her face and neck and I swear, I made her look all glittery. She said wanted to lie down for a while, so I led her to a bedroom. Somehow I knew where everything was even though this was the first at this place. I helped her to a huge bed and as I was leaving her, she called out to me and asked whether I could stay with her for a while till she slept off. I know I should have jumped at the offer but I actually found myself thinking about joining the party and letting her go to sleep on her own. Thankfully my mind asked me to stay with her.

I first thought of joining her on the bed, but the last conversation I had with her on the phone suggested that I better not. So I sat down, right next to the bed, on the floor and thts when i realise that I had been wearing a suit all this while, and it matched her gown perfectly. Of course it had to,because she told me later that she was the one who picked it up for me. So as we sit there whispering to each other, I was thinking to myself that even if i won't get tell her how I feel about her and how much I want her, I ll never forget this night.

We talked for long and there she was,lying on her tummy with her legs in air and lovely twinkle in her eyes. Our hands were locked in each other grip and on my left palm she was scibbling with her fingers and all I could wish for at that moment was this to last forever. She realised that I was no longer listening to what she was saying. She smiled and took my palm and rested her cheek on it and went to sleep.

Thats when I wake up realising all that this never happened and probably never will. It had been a long time since I felt this good. So i message her immediatley and told her that I dreamt about her.This was about 3:30 in the afternoon. I didnt want to call her up cos even though she was very polite when I told her that I like her, I knew how uncomfortable she was, so I didnt want to put her in that situation again.
There I was, expecting her reply, guess that was jus a bit too much to ask for. That glow in me got snuffed out again, and I was back to old self again, irritated and impatient. No more foolish thoughts, I promised my self..But hey this is me. I can always break my own promises :)


disclaimer: this is not abt the person most of u ppl think it is...

Second Wind..

Well this is the new me. Well this is a fairly recent picture of me.
Been almost 3 three since i have posted anything on my once dear blog. There was a time when i used to rush to the computer centre in my college right after class to put up he post for the day. And it wasnt the common rambling that you see in those new fangled micro-blog thingies. Well I cant also that all I had put was sensible and readable material, but I had fun.

Well this is my second try to rekindle my blog. I hope it stays alive this time.

this is me

this is me enjoying my hobby

drunk in goa...near death experience :p

well another thing tht happened during the gap between the posts is the 2nd trip to goa..
man was it fun..
we were put up in a beach hotel and the sea was only abt 100 mts from our rooms..it was perfect..
the 5 days we spent there was kinda fun but everybody was looking forward for the beach party we had planned for the last day.
so as the last day came,everybody was excited,bought lots of bottles and setup everything on the beach and was waiting for the rest to come...finally the drinking started and everybody was enjoying in their own ways.. :P
after all the food got over there was still lots of alcohol left so we decided to catch crabs and bake them using dry palm leaves.
so off we went running after crabs tht were at the max half the size of my palm..so had to catch a lot to be of any significance at all..so there we were a lot of grown up boys running around lik lil kids on a wonderful moonlit beach..it was heaven
after we had caught abt 15 each,the extinction of crabs on tht stretch of beach was confirmed,
we piled them onto palm leaved and baked them on a open fire..
after it was done we wolfed down on them cos all the runnin around had us really famished.
we eating crab meat,crab shell and even sand, not bothered abt wat we were putting in our mouth.enjoying the tiny bits of meat wen ever we could taste them thru all the crap we put in our mouth. :D
then we resumed the drinking and wen one of the guys said he was too drunk to get to his room,i volunteered cos i needed the walk badly...as we were ambling along the beach,jus abt few feet from the place we were partying there was a bottle of scotch tht was from our own stock and somebody had lost it there rite near to us..it was half full( ;) ) so lik in the movies i decided to take a swig directly from the bottle,and remind u tht i was quite drunk..well as the drink went down i felt choked and couldnt take in a breath,i got panicky and was scratching and crawling on the beach for air.
after sometime wen i opened my eyes there guys looking at me stone faced..they were drunk and they thought i was dead.. i had passed out at sometime..and then they picked me up and dumped me in the pool before they put me to bed..it was one of the most scariest moments i had and the most fun too..

theres more to come...

new things tht happened wen i was gone

the things tht happened after my last post is kinda funny and stupid..
well for the stupid part,this is wat happened..

By 4th yr lots of guys in my class got placed in various companies...
as expected of them,they threw a huge party and booked us a pool and the works..
and as expected of us,we got drunk as much as i could.. :D
cant let anyone down,rite??
well everybody around were drunk and jumping in and out of the pool having a ball of a time.
well after abt my 9th drink of various things ranging from vodka,brandy,whisky and ofcourse the un avoidable "toddy",i was quite stoned.after i had emptied my glass,i decided to take a dip to stop myself from puking and losing my "reputation":P
i dived in and only wen i banged my forehead at the bottom of the pool did i realise it was quite a shallow one.as i came out,my face was covered in blood and the only place tht hurt me was the bridge of my nose.i was a bit scared to tell u the truth,i didnt wanna walk around with a crooked nose.. :P
then ppl around me started pointing at me and gasping thts weni realised there was something more serious than a crooked nose..
the guys pulled me out,took me to a hospital,and laid me down on one the beds in the first aid section..
i was there,lying all oblivious everything around me,smiling at all the nurses walking by giving me a dirty look..
thenthe head nurse strolls in and starts shouting at me and the guys who brought me there..saying tht we should ve been responsible and stuff..but who is,wen there lots of free booze lying around :D

after sometime the doctor came along and examined me and started puttin stiches to my forehead.thts wen the unthinkable happened,i started the puking and thankfully missed the doc by inches,if i hadnt he might ve stuck tht needle in to my scalp..
well finally thanks to me,the party got cut short andeverybody was brought to their respective places of stay and puked the shit outta the place..

cant say it wasnt fun,but it was bit too close a call..afteral there was a lot still to do and i was only 20 yrs old..

back again,and again and again..

when will i ever change...sigh..
been trying to push myself to write a blog for such along time
i even tried forcing myself to start by putting in a "teaser",but to no avail
guess i m too clever for even me. :P

hmmm..where do i start..
welll the last (proper) post was way back in college..and i believe it was in my 3 rd yr..
well as usual there was the usual ranting and fuss,and all tht crap to jus get me to write a post,and to tell u the truth,tht was the one i loved the most..
hope i havent lost the touch..

now its a yr and half since my last one..
and since i ve a blog counter which keeps tracks of all the visits to this humble blog of mine,i started to notice a funny thing.
all the visits were reffered from Google and tht too for search words lik "St.Treasa's+nude" "Tamil rap+nude".
the total number of visists i got lik tht was 56..i mean,who searches for those kinda sick keywords man..sheesh

i hope u,reader,isnt one of those freaks

long time...

used to write blog long time back..been a yr i think..
and songs were mostly written wen i ve smoked the 4th cig at a stretch and theres nobody around to disturb me..but tht too was long time back..i ve tried writtin wen i m drunk..but there was one single prob..i couldnt read wat i had written the previous nite..all those wonderful words and rhymes lost forever :( and yea once i ve even puked on the paer i had written..but no gr8 loss,as it was anyways illegible :D

dont know wat to write..guess i lost the touch..sigh..hope it gets back within a few days..like swimming(u never forget how to,rite?)

once i get back to the full swing..will be back to fill the page wit total bull shit... :D

HAS anyone noticed the number of comments the girls on blogger get
We guys struggle to get comments about the shit i write
i ve had to ask people to write comments
I know its stupid but what can i do
i ve like 10 to 11 posts without a single fucking comment
i aint complainin but i had to say this
All u suckers out there,out to pick up a girl, for once post a sensible meaningful comment

Hey wait why did i write this stuff here
Hardly anyone will see it
But see if i give a fuck

I AM CrAzy

I dont think i ll post this in my blog................

Here I am again,too many sleepless nights aint doin me much good
Got to do something to stop this.
Well the time is 2:30 am and i aint very happy about the fact that I'm wide awake
Another problem i have,when I write stuff late night, is that i tend to repeat certain things
Its all in the hope that the reader gets the right idea of what I m trying to say

Catching up on the old Linkin Park songs
Can still remember how i used to die for their music
They were brilliant
Eventhough it hasnt been long since they ve come ,i feel nostalgic listening to this stuff
Reminds me a lot of my ex-crush (current pal)
This what i suggested as a topic when i called her for the first time
It was kind of a stupid and akward situation
Will write about later,much later.Anyways there aint much to say and it may bore the hell out of you.
Woundnt want to lose my precious little readership.

Man i really suck at blogging
But i guess thats wat keeps me going
I love to see those around me suffer >))

I ve decided not to marry (if the conditions are good)
Marriage i think is a waste of money
U can have all the companionship without marrying;cant you?

Now, the sentence at the top is what keeps me writing all this stuff
Its kind of me trying to beat myself
But sometimes I m too good for myself and do manage to escape from the task of writing a blog entry
Half of me wants to post a blog irrespective of the content and the other half is more of a scrutiniser,a stickler for details
Its fun to watch the outcome of the battle (eventhough i already know which half is gonna prevail; crazy aint it?)
Well i guess thats the fun of being me
I am easily amused
Time slotted for boredome is almost nonexistent
I never am free ,I always have some kind of crazy thought going on
Though I m sad to admit that harldy any of that time can be put for something classified as useful by others
Those are the situations that drive me to boredome

When i happen to travel with girls i know i tend to go very quite
All i want to and am doing is just enjoy sitting with her
I dont need talk at all but am willing to hear out anything
But this kind of appreciation of human company is usually misunderstood
It usually ends up pointing that I m a very boring guy
Its not that i m denying it but......i dont know
i guess i m boring
Heck i dont give a fuck
Its who i am and who i ll be
i love being me
so many beautiful people around who deserve to be looked at all day

Ofcourse i am partial,cos theres one face i'd rather see than all the riches in the world

Its one of the most wonderful faces i ve ever seen
But the problem is that i get shy when i look at that face
It doesnt deseve to see a common fcae like mine
It needs another face as its mate
Each should complement the other

The face has me thinking about it all day
It dominates most of my sane dreams and all of my insane ones
Just being there with it in a big green pasture fills me up

You may classify me as a stupid,neurotic,zany guy...........IF(and only if) U VE READ WHAT I VE WRITTEN ABOVE!!!!!
Ortherwise pls refrain urself from doing anything supid.......leave that to me